Random Man

1-01-2011 Very Random IX

2011-01-01T20:23:00.000-06:00

Top 10 things "Not to say to a spouse of an Alcoholic:

10. I start tomorrow.
9. It's lite beer, I can drink more. (Not Now)
8. MMMMM!!!!! Mamma;s Milk!
7. Shammer Hammer!!!!!\
6. I can just drink ____ !!!!!
5. It's my right to act a fool and call everyone on the caller ID of my roomate. (Who happened to mostly be her family).
4. MMMMM!!!!! Taco Bell!
3. REALLY!!!!!
2. You can't count!!!!!
1. SHHHHH! Get me a beer!

The Madonna Factor

2010-12-02T10:20:00.001-06:00

Very Random Madonna

Something you all might not know about me, I sometimes pee on my feet in the shower. Only because I once heard Madonna say that by doing so (peeing on your feet in the shower) in an interview. She claimed it would cure fungus feet. So out of convenience and listening to Madonna, I just let em’ rip mostly when my feet become itchy. I’m not saying I have fungus feet, heck my Pops and I hit a pedi/manicure the other day and the sweet little petite Vietnamese girl did her best to get tem corns down to a comfortable level. She did say after working her magical hands on my feet that she might not be able to get them down to zero corn thickness. So anyway, I sometimes pee on my feet in the shower.

RIP Mr. Leslie Nelson, you and your humor will be missed here!

How to get your kids to sleep late on Saturday Morning

2010-11-21T04:35:00.000-06:00

Monday Morning: Wake them up at 6:30 am with a warm bowl of home maid grit’s, oatmeal, porridge, warm cereal, mead, etc…

Monday Night: Read them a short book or two of their choice.

Tuesday Morning: Wake them up at 6:25 am and let them help cook the scrambled eggs and toast. (Jelly optional)

Tuesday Night: Get down on the floor and play with them and their choice of toy’s, game, or just tickle them.

Wednesday Morning: Wake them at 6:20 am and stop by their favorite breakfast place and treat them let them place the order (counter order or drive through optional).

Wednesday Night: Keep them up late for FCTHN (Family clean the house night). Chores can be fun and they can see the reward of a clean house.

Thursday Morning: Wake them by running through the home loudly blasting a buggler horn, trumpet, kazoo, cowbell; whatever you have handy that makes a racket. Then eat together before you walk them to the bus station in the cold rain.

Thursday Night: Keep them up a little later than usual watching old home movies or maybe even a old slide show of the family vacation you barley remember from back in the day.

Friday Morning: Bet they wake you up with coffee and the news paper before, then you realize your late for work so you call your boss and ask for a ½ day. (Once your late, slow down and enjoy the benefits). I mean… you’re already late, what are a few more hours?

Saturday: Sleep in or wake up and enjoy the quiet, either way…you babies are resting and the peace is welcome and deserved!

Great Work Mom’s & Dad’s.

Sunday: CHURCH, LUNCH, And REST! (Maybe a little sports catch-up time on the picture box; only after they are sound a sleep at 7:15 pm). Or cuddle time with your better half!

11.17.2010 Very Random

2010-11-18T03:14:00.000-06:00

How To Get Your Kiddo’s To Sleep Late Saturday Mornings In 5 Days

Monday Morning: Wake them up at 6:30 am with a warm bowl of home maid (_________) grit’s, oatmeal, porridge, warm cereal, mead, etc…

Monday Night: Read them a short book or two of their choice. Tuck them in and kiss them good night.

Tuesday Morning: Wake them up at 6:25 am and let them help cook the scrambled eggs and toast. (Jelly optional)

Tuesday Night: Get down on the floor and play with them. Be sure to let them pick the game or toy's.

Wednesday Morning: Wake them at 6:20 am, brew the coffee while they get ready for school. Breakfast is ready and everyone gets to work/school on time.

Wednesday Night: Keep them up late for FCTHN (Family Clean the House Night). Chores can be fun and rewarding at the same time.

Thursday Morning: Wake them up extra early by blasting the old bugler horn, trumpet, kazoo, cowbell; whatever you have handy that makes a loud noise. (Not recomended for the quiet homes)

Thursday Night: Keep them up a little later than usual watching old home movies or maybe even a old slide show of the family vacation you barley remember from back in the day.

Friday Morning: Bet they wake you up with coffee and the news paper before your alarm rings! NOT!
But they are getting a new routine down and early to rise = early to bed.

Saturday: Sleep in or wake up and enjoy the quiet, either way…your kiddos should be resting soundly and the peace is wonderful!

Great Work Mom’s & Dad’s.

Sunday: CHURCH, LUNCH, And REST! (Maybe a little sports catch-up time on the picture box; only after they are sound a sleep at 7:15 pm). Or cuddle time with your better half!

Shammer Hammer

2010-08-13T07:46:00.000-05:00

Joke for the day: A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife. Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

9:40pm IT IS HOT OUT SIDE RIGHT! I mean melting hot. Do not leave your crayons in your car on the seat because it is so hot out side at 20 till 10 that they will melt and make a nasty seat HOT!

The next Don Meredith is John Gruden. Chucky. He has what it takes to color a game like the all time greatest. And Dandy Don is #2 in my book. My number 1 all time color commentator the one and only Howard Cosell. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Cosell But Don is a very, very close second.

If your going to have children, make sure you have more than one. I’m just saying… they are a lot of fun!

It’s a tie between Moose Johnson and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Madden_(American_football)
And Madden is one of the greatest ever! He can tell you what a team is going to run before they hike the ball. Or even better what they should of ran!

My iTunes lost all of my music. I still have it on my phone (which is just an expensive iPod touch after your service is cut). So I seek out our youth to help me recover my music since when I ask my peers, they look at me and say, “huh? You have what? And it what?”

If you love Obama, ignore this next paragraph. If you despise his non-American born, cigarette smoking, TV cussing, bad ass, young looking ass, then read closely. Ok, you lovers are already to this point so continue on reading. Why is it important that our leader be born in America, but the Governor of California can be a native Austrian? I mean America, do you not remember when we once took a chance on that actor fella, and he turned out to be a pretty decent President. (except that terrorist set up/support shit he slid under Olie’s rug).

It’s good to see Romo on the side line. I mean we have one healthy tight end left and we let Jason play? Crap man, every other play, that guy has to call out, “ Number 74 has registered as an eligible receiver”. A friken’ tackle is playing the other tight end spot.

Ya, know who was a good president? Clinton. And I think Hillary would of done a better job than them all. Clinton, Bill that is gave Americans something to be proud of. We obviously felt unbreakable during his tour.

I think it is stupid that we choose sides over the right person for the job. I hate that so much money is waisted to make one person look good when they are actually bad, and make another look bad, when they are really a good person. I voted for McCain but it wasn’t because I thought he would do a better job. I voted party loyalty like most Americans do every election. America has seen great leaders do a mediocre job because something that was behind they’re control took up all of they’re energy and time in office. Bush Jr. was portrayed as an idiot on the parodies. (if you go to Kroger on University Dr. and Berry St., look in the frozen section for parodies) But I wouldn’t of wanted any other response to 911 other than the ass whooping we gave ol’ Sadom. We were attacked by a fanatical Muslim that hates all Americans so bad, he ordered his men to do the ultimate sacrifice. And when we couldn’t catch that rat bastard, we picked the next nasty, mean, evil, leader to make an example of. He just so happened to be of the same religious belief of that other coward. So now all of the East, West, South, and the North know one thing: DON’T FUCK WITH AMERICA!!! Do not think we will roll over. If you think Obama is doing a shitty job, step outside of the box for a minute and ignore all of the TV idiots and look at what he has done to continue our efforts to get retribution. We will accomplish what Bush sat out to finish and Obama has everything to do with that. Bush not only had to deal with 911, Katrina came along and left a bad stain on his term.

I will not vote for party ever again. I will not let fancy basher comericals influence my opinion on a candidate. I will vote my mind.

On a personal note, President Obama saved our home from foreclosure. We were 1 week from the court house auction steps. It was right on the line and for 4-5 months, we didn’t know if we were going to be able to keep our home. The stress had it’s toll on us, but AJ and I both matured a little by going through this together and realizing that we love each other and nothing could break us apart. No terrorist attack on our anniversary, (1^st, we were married 09/11/99). No stress of constantly thinking we might be homeless would have a chance of breaking us apart. No terrible disease like alcholism could tear us apart. So our President not only saved our home, he helped save a marriage worth saving. Give the dude a break, he has a tough ass job, and most of us would crack the first day on the job!

Kick ass

2010-08-07T06:41:00.000-05:00

I just watched the movie Kick Ass ($1 Red Box) and it kicked ass! It was like Quentin Tarantino meets league of doom.

The Cowboys are playing in the Hall of Fame game this Sunday and it is going to be fun watching the Boys whoop ass on TOCHO (T.O. & Oacho Cinco) Our schedule this year looks good and I think we are due for a break out to tie the Steelers for most Supper Bowl wins. Here’s how I see America’s Team this season:

2010 SCHEDULE

PRESEASON
SUN, AUG 8	CIN (@ Canton)	Doesn’t matter/pre-season
OAK	8:00 PM	Who cares?
SAT, AUG 21	@ SD	Will be nice whooping up on them!
SAT, AUG 28	@HOU	Battle of Texas! Boy’s 21 / Texans 13
THU, SEP 2	MIA	Hello ex-Cowboys, how ya like us now?
REGULAR SEASON
SUN, SEP 12	@ WAS	7:20 PM Cowboys 37 Skins 42
SUN, SEP 19	CHI	NOON Cowboys 19 Bears 3
SUN, SEP 26	@ HOU	NOON We win again!
SUN, OCT 3	BYE	Rest em’ up Wade…
SUN, OCT 10	TEN	3:15 PM Cowboys 17 Titians 14
SUN, OCT 17	@ MIN	3:15 PM Depends on the Farve???
MON, OCT 25	NYG	7:30 PM Cowboys 42/NY 0
SUN, OCT 31	JAX	NOON Cowboys 27/Jags 24
SUN, NOV 7	@ GB	7:20 PM Cowboys 33 Fudge-Packers 19
SUN, NOV 14	@ NYG	3:15 PM Cowboys 14/NY 17
SUN, NOV 21	DET	NOON Cowboys 48/Lions 7
THU, NOV 25	NO	3:15 PM Cowboys 33/Saints 31
SUN, DEC 5	@ IND	3:15 PM Cowboys 17/Payton Manning 100
SUN, DEC 12	PHI	7:20 PM Da’ Boys 37/Sqeegals 3
SUN, DEC 19	WAS	NOON Super Bowl Bound 19/Scrubs 0
SAT, DEC 25	@ ARI	6:30 PM US 34/Them 19
SUN, JAN 2	@ PHI	NOON The Champs 17/Them Big Baby’s 14

POST SEASON

1^st Round

We meet New Orleans in the 1^st round and wax them.

Second Round

Kicking the Cardinals ass in the second round will be fine, thank you!

NFC championship game

We can’t believe were here right? Quick, Pinch me! It’s not a dream…we are 1 game from the Super Bowl in our home stadium, the 1^st team ever to accomplish this!

Not sure what team we beat here, but we win!

SUPER BOWL 44

Maybe we meet them Jets and Kick ass!!!

What is the all time greatest band? Too hard to answer? Then pick one from each decade you have been alive. What else have you got to do besides reading my new fiction blog over at http://woodyjrs-sobrietylog.blogspot.com/2010/08/blame-it-on-squirrels.html. Think it over because the next Random Man blog is all about music!

Infinity and Beyond

2010-08-05T12:32:00.000-05:00

Thank you Nolan Ryan for your bid, we will review your application and get back to you.~ MLB

Thank you Mr. Ryan

Thank you Mr. Cuban for jacking up Nolan's bid. We would never approve you to own a team in the first place, but the extra attention helped us tremendously!~ MLB

MLB no like you Cuban.

News Flash: Shaq is more than just a basketball player. He is an entertainer, athlete, and mind manipulator.Check out his show:
http://abc.go.com/shows/shaq-vs

Quote for today: " If I will do today what nobody else will; I will tomorrow what nobody else can." ~ Will The Steel Woody

Very Random VI

2010-07-29T15:09:00.000-05:00

It rained like mad out in Weatherford Texas today. I missed it because I was totally enthralled in my work. My days have been flying by in my little cube.

To the guy driving (hardly) the silver bug, 45 in the middle lane at 5:46pm on I30 heading east while talking on your cell phone: NOT COOL! And I sent your plate number to Oprah via email. Not really but I should.

If your nick name is “ BIG SEXY” and you are BIG and SEXY, DO NOT put it on the back of your vehicle.

I pissed of a co-worker today. I was just trying to help… But he kind of pissed me off to. So I immediately struggle with my “Me, Myself, and I”, yes we convene court several times a day right up there in the head. Anyway, I left it alone and observed my cool co-workers advice that it’s better to avoid that other guy like the “____________” < insert a very nasty word>. And so I accept that not every human in the universe will like me. Even if they are real nice to me for seven days and then explodes all over me on the 8^th day.

There’s this guy on the Food Network that has a really great job. I am afraid that we might read about a his death of a sudden heart attack someday. He travels around the great old USA ducking into the best dives, dinners, and drive inns. If you want to save on your electric bill, plug everything… I mean everything into easy to reach surge protectors with a lighted switch (ya know the one that cost like 6.99; stay away from the dollar store). Once everything and I mean everything is plugged in, turn them off when you are not using them. PSSSSSSSTTT! I love the PSSSSSSSTTT! I’m da damn pack leader PSSSSSTTTT! method. It works! Where the hell was I? I got so random I forgot what I was talking about. Turn off your stuff (important to turn off the “Lighted Switch” on the surge protector) when not in use and you will see a significant savings. Seems our electronic items use electricity even when it is turned off at the unit but still plugged in. So don’t break your back bending over reaching behind the microwave or the old boob tube.

I am focusing my energy on being a better parent and a better husband.

the day after

2010-04-02T11:40:00.000-05:00

Forgive me for I am running on less than 8oz. fluid and zero solids in a 24 hour period. I know! It's going to get better. "Boudreaux's Butt Paste" is not only recommended by Pediatricians, I strongly recommend it if you get the bug I had. Enough of my bowl activity.

It's Good Friday today and I want to wish each and everyone of you a very "Good Friday".

Today is also World Autism Awareness Day. The world people...
Our family has had a direct impact from Autism and it is nice for the world to recognize the great abillities of all spectrum's. My wife and I stress everyday thinking how we are going to take care of our daughter when she grows up. Then I see great success stories of adult's with autism living life and working. That "AWARENESS" gives me strength and helps me cope with daily life with a growing ten year old aspie that can at times be so loving and snuggly; then at other times be a burst of anger and strike out at us like a mad tiger. Thank you World!

Proud Father of an Aspie

PS. If you read this, I promise to be more random next blog.

Random April Fools

2010-04-01T21:33:00.000-05:00

Yes, my long a due return to blogger is finally here. I took a hiatus in order to break away from my serious blogness. I was getting to much crap on real life blog topics. I wanted to write random crazy topics to cheer up my readers and provoke responses that border insanity. So here goes: I shit you not, I have had the worse case of ass jet today. I woke up that way and haven't eaten one bite of solid food today. I am sure that the little glass of water I drank (more like choked down) while taking my daily meds, only took 5.4 seconds from lips to toilet bowl. Too descriptive? LOL I wanted to list a few of my Facebook friends status for today... this wonderful day of fools! You know who you are...
Anna got promoted to Level 179 in Mafia Wars and is celebrating by offering a special bonus to their friends for a limited time!

Ginger worked hard, and now their town is a Small Village in Social City!

Mafia Wars Happy April Fool's Day! If you visit your Chop Shop today, you'll find that it's been transformed into a Unicorn Castle! For a limited time, youll be able to produce special potions that'll let you create magic unicorns. Hurry, it won't last forever. Go check it out today! HaHa Mr. Zynga

The always poetic Dalton:
Dalton Woody is a mutt with a crown.

and my most entertaining FB friend:
Chris Cook April Fools Facebookers! She aint pregnant....(It was negative)

and the random FB status ultimate winner today is:
Stacey Sellers Terry Damn wind...